Ghosts of Boyfriends Past: Doggy Talk

This is the first installment of Ghosts of Boyfriends Past. Let me explain my thinking and motives behind this brain child of mine:

I have had a few boyfriends. Maaaaaybe more than a few.

Because of my impressive boyfriend resume, I have some great experience within the story-telling department. (In other departments as well, but we'll save that for a different post.) Some good, some funny, some disgusting, some embarrassing (not for me), and some SO SO sweet.

And because I consider you a great friend, I will share. That's what great friends do, right? Gossip about douche-bag boys of the past...

Okay, Okay... they weren't ALL fools...

But this one was. This is the boy with Two First Names. We'll call him JJ. He rode bikes

We met through the coffee shop where I worked. He was known for his Big Bright White Smile. It was insanely, almost freakishly, white.

Yes. This is really him. 

Attraction was there. He was successful. Maturity?....wellll

There were many factors leading up to our ultimate split (He thought I was lying about having surgery and sent his sister to check if I was actually in the hospital) but the one thing that really got under my skin:

He thought his dog was a person.

Woof Daddy, was his name.

I shit you not. 

I couldn't make this up, people. 

Woof daddy's theme song?

This.

At times JJ would not speak to me unless I responded to the dog first.

Me: What are we going to do tonight?

JJ: Woof daddy has some things in mind.

 Me: Okay, maybe a movie? Lay low?

JJ: Woof daddy likes to do quantum physics in his down time.

Ladies, Sometimes you get blinded by the bright lights of a sweet smile. But let's face it, 

I'm not trying to compete with a dog for love. 

And I'm definitely not going to answer to one.

Woof daddy, I hope you find another bitch.

So what do you think? Are you interested in hearing more of my stories?

Should I keep this series going?