Hospitals terrify me. My one big fear in life involves a trip I took to the hospital almost a year ago. Without going into too much detail... I had surgery to have 1 and 1/2 of my girly parts (ovaries) removed. And yes... humor is how I deal with everything.
Before going into surgery I remember the Doctor telling me that there was a chance they would have to remove both, which would send me into early menopause. I had JUST turned 23. The thought of being 23 in a 55 year old body terrified me. On top of that, there was a large chance I may not be able to have babies on my own.
......
And that is when the fear set in.
I can't believe how hard it is for me to write this post right now. I've had a year to deal with it... but that thought still shakes me.
But I have to think of it this way: God only gives us as much as we can handle. And yeah... for a while I was angry that he gave me a bum-ovary ( I guess two bum-ovaries)... but I realized I must be thankful he gave me an amazing mom who rushes out of bed at 6am to take me to the hospital, who never leaves my side.
Thankful I had friends, near and far show me the greatest love I have ever felt.
I am thankful for the large scar right across my bikini line. No matter what it means to others, it is my most beautiful battle wound. That scar means so many things. And yes, maybe I won't be able to have babies on my own, but for now... I can be the best Auntie in the world to these precious babes.
See that missing tooth? Aspen even graced us with a song about how babies don't have teeth. Did you know that? :)
How lucky am I?
12 comments
I'm sitting here trying not to cry...
You are such an amazing person.
I can't wait to meet you in real life one day... because I know we will.
Hugs and Loves
CarissaExplainsItAll
xoxo
I can't wait to be an Aunt some day! :) Congrats to you and your family!
Xoxo! Wish I could squeeze your neck right now!
But really, this post was beautiful and although I can't understand how you feel, I can understand the fear that comes with it but like you said, God never gives us more than we can handle and He does have a plan!
ps, so just out of wondering, is it still totally possible that you CAN have kids?
What a great attitude and positive light you are. Your family is so lucky to have you.
I also believe God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and He must know how strong you are.
Maybe you won't have kids of your own, but you will have kids. You are going to make a beautiful mmommy someday and I am totally in awe of you.
And P.S. being an aunt is amazing, so thankful for my nieces and nephews! They definitely get me through rough times.
And P.S.S. I can't stand being in hospitals!!!
as raven said, i cant understand how you must have felt/been feeling but I understand how scared you must have been during this whole process...but you are such a STRONG WOMAN HOO0-RAH
And I think if it is meant to be, you will have kids one day :-) and they will be beautiful and amazing just like their mama!
I can understand the embracing of a scar. THough mine does not have much of a story to it, I still look at it and it makes me think of things. Mine was from 3rd grade when I fell and busted my lip on a chair. I have a scar from it and it just brings me back to the day where EVERYONE in the class rushed to me and helped me, my parents helped, friends made sure I was okay (and it was only a little lip scar!)
i heart you and want to see you again ASAP!
xoxo
Be proud of your scars; they made you who you are.
Your beautiful little niece is incredibly lucky to have an auntie like you!
love, rach.
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